His Acceptance

He stares at the wall as the time goes by,

As the clock ticks on well beyond midnight.

He looks at himself perplexed and vile,

Reaping the thorns of his crazy wine.

The moment of madness is well past gone,

The damage that is, has all been done.

He looks as his life as a bombarded war town

Where the debris of the clash is scattered around

The taste of the poison is still sour in mouth,

Memories of his past haunting around.

As he comes down to the end of his life,

Laying on his bed jotting down.

The plans they made were never fulfilled,

Love and friendship gone with the wind.

Time is such it hides, does not heal.

As it all goes by in its crazy wheels.

But his life was fun and joyous once,

When he shared his thoughts with his loved one.

When he held her hands and walked the streets,

Planning for their future that came to be.

His life now is a haunted past,

As he lays on his bed staring at the wall.

Waiting for her last missed call,

As he lays down, staring at the wall.

In the pursuit of Happiness

We have all chased after of still chasing some sort of goal. Get a good college, good job, nice bike, a good car and what not. What does that leave us in the end? What is that feeling when we have archived what we were desperately running after? That feeling is an accomplishment, a sense of relief, maybe a moment of pride- that brings a nice smile in our faces. Once that moment is gone all that we are left with is chase.

Everyone chases after something’s in their lives- those things are called goals as they are supposed to motivate people. We hear people asking- “Have you declared your goals for the year?” Apparently now goals come in templates! That’s the way to drive a bunch of people and make them do something productive. Life is not that different. From our childhood we see elder people who are doing well. We like that person and want feel as accomplished as that person. Slowly that person becomes our hero. That person becomes the template that drives us and we desperately try to model ourselves around that. After years of effort what are we? Imperfect copies of our heroes? That sounds hilarious doesn't it? Wise ones will counter that imperfections make us unique.

So why is that- after so much time and effort we still don’t find ourselves happy? That childhood alter ego keeps questioning from the back of our head- Are you really doing okay? Do you really want to do this? So to stop that tireless ranting and keep ourselves focused, we make another goal and run after it. In the end however do we really find happiness? Looks like to find out- we have to wait till the end!

Late Twenties- for a Guy

Late twenties are the most revealing period in a man’s life. It feels like the waiting room in the train station where you are, with your entire luggage geared up and waiting to catch another train. Only this train will take you to your final destination. It’s a pause from the hectic journey you did in the past. Have a little break sip tea or coffee and reflect on your journey. The catch is there are 18 years of choices burdened on you. Every decision has bought you to this point. From here on out the road is clear. There is a very little chance of a miracle. You can probably see how it will be, what you will be in the next ten years.

Having so much vivid clarity can be overwhelming. There could be instances where you would be depressed as an under achiever. As the destination becomes fairly clear it could bring joy or it could bring heavy emotions of despair. “I did not think I would end up like this”- is what underachievers would think. However if you are one of the lucky ones, it could be a different story all together. It could present a world of opportunities. It could be a center stage from where you can launch that final sprint to success.

Then there is a flip side of the coin. That is the personal life. For a guy, I can tell that from my personal experience- professional and personal lives are interlinked. It directly affects your psyche. If you are a successful one or shall I say if you can manage the stress at work you will be able to manage your home as well. Again a demanding wife or a stupid girlfriend can rust that finesse of a successful man. Guys are the most wonderful creatures in the world. They have this brilliant ability of rearranging emotions as boxes within their subconscious. Every feeling every memory is preserved perfectly in a box. They have the brilliant ability to compartmentalize feelings. To understand this just think how many times did you have a fresh fight with your girlfriend on an irrelevant thing that happened in the past?!! Guys love to live in the present.

Now finally how does it feel to be single at your late twenties? It should be for single guy in this planet a world of possibilities. We earn our place, live independently, work like hell and starve to have fun! Even if we are busy every one of us has a unique way of releasing the stress. I for one love blogging, driving photography, music, sauvignon flavors and lager beers and scotch whiskey. If I love a girl who is a hip hop or indi pop that is a disaster. Even a tequila and night club person in a disaster for me. However beer and pool table lady serves just fine. Anyway the bottom line is- they should be like you, think like you and they should love your hobbies. The phrase “Opposites Attract” works perfectly in magnetism, it never works in a relationship! So whatever you do don’t waste your time after the wrong set of girls. Or shall I say they are the right set of girls- just not right one for you. Time is a luxury we don’t have so invest that wisely.

Terrorism- Facts and fiction

Life is a prison laid before your eyes. You are but a slave of the actions you take, the choices you make. You are just a common man who has been shoved down a narrow road due to the actions of your past. These were the thoughts that broke his sleep. He felt the cold sweat trickling down his forehead. It is one of many nights where he is haunted by these horrific dreams these revelations. He thinks he can shield himself from the horrific deeds. Clinging on to his religious believes, he makes a desperate attempt to justify his actions. So he was told-the end justifies the means.

He remembers his early childhood- the summer of 1990s. His father was a farmer his family had a small piece of land in a desolate village of Madhya Pradesh. The government forced on the farmers to buy imported fertilizers and pesticides. For a farmer who does not reap much this was a losing cause. Each year the loan amount became bigger and eventually one morning his father decided to take a gulp of the imported pesticide to bring down the eternal curtains. He remembers all relatives showing up in his father’s funeral. The entire village coming down as the local neta made a speech on how one of his brothers has become a sacrifice to the government’s policies. There were elaborate gestures, promises and local media coverage. Soon after that in a dramatic turn of events- one day he found himself in the streets of Mumbai deprived of this land and starving for one meal a day.

Mumbai or Bombay is perhaps the only city in south-asia that has tremendous high and incredible lows. One of the major reasons it has been rocked by terrorist attacks in the last 20 years will be the fact that there are people who are easily available to corrupt. These people live in slums, don’t have social security, health care, education and are in every way deprived of the privileges of a modern society. The modern society they see in front of their eyes every day reminds them of the startling difference in their life style. It is only natural to feel deprived. This factor increases exponentially with the amount of people who come into this city every day to make a living. For our deprived soul the feeling was no different. He lived his days in utter disarray everyday noticing the startling difference.

Then one day he was made a part of an act even he was not aware of entirely. He did not know what the political ramifications will be. Overtime how he did what he did- has been uncovered by a lengthy legal procedure which took years to surface. Within this time he unknowingly made a million dollar sales in the name of social media coverage. News channels, news-papers, politicians and human rights activists sold him to a nation of a billion and more. All these years he was locked in his cell. For him though this was unexpected. When he was clean he did not have a roof over his head. He had to think about his meals. Now all he had to do was stay in his cell, meet with his lawyer and visit court for his hearing in a high security escort. Whatever remaining time he had was for him. What he felt, did he repent does not really matter. He was to be made an example by the people for the people.

For us though this should be a question? Does terrorism really thrive on a religion? Or it thrives on the startling difference of the haves and the have not’s? This person could have been of any religion. He could have been the person responsible or had just been an accessory to the crime. It just takes a spark of rage from a person with ulterior motives. All these deprived souls in our country are an explosion about to happen. If people are the biggest asset to a democracy they are also its biggest weakness- and the largest democracy in the world has shown us this fact time and again!

The last dance

The long night is finally gone,

Hapless fun is all done.

 It started with a drink or two,

To reach a mental status quo.

Wild fun and loud music,

Human instincts are all but basic.

Its half past four

Dusk is knocking at the door.

If truth be told- she thinks herself

When did I sell out my self-believe?

Her pure self, her resilience-

All went out as a whiff in a moments embrace!

Or maybe you were all but pretending

The will was not there- only fear of confronting

The realization was good, maybe just.

But you owed him the truth- not utter lies and disgust.

He dwelt on guilt- drew in a shell

Tried to fix a broken soul by himself.

In time- he went ahead and thought of this spree

And now he sets you finally free.

Three decimal eight four seconds... and ticking

What is darkness? In scientific terms it is the absence of light- just as cold is the absence of heat. In the 4.5 billion years since the inception of this blue lagoon in the vast void of space- the planet we call our home, our dear planet earth- we as a species are only about 20000 years old. Now this only considers the anatomical modernity- to a layman’s term- 200,000 years ago a human who originated in the continent now we call Africa has the same biological anatomy as any other human we have in our planet today. Leaving the process of evolution which is still ongoing – vestigial organs to be precise. If we consider the behavioral modernity- display of affection, family structure, social structure, intelligence, that gives us only about 50,000 years as a species.

Now considering the age of our planet- if we do the math you will be stunned to find out that if we plot the age of earth in a 24 hours timeline we as a species cover only 3.84 seconds!! What this proves is that we as a species have a tremendous amount of potential. Just look at what we have accomplished. We have already set foot outside of our planet. The man made Voyager is already reached the far end of our Solar system. We have sent rovers on Mars, set foot on the moon. We have mastered mobility in all three dimensions.

We have a distinguished social structure. We have a family structure. We have governments, economy, and dedicated medium for transfer of knowledge and information. We have an organized society which functions as small and dedicated groups of people who work together and stay together in a way that is mutually beneficial to all. I can’t even begin to gasp the magnitude of accomplishments we have had already. Just imagine the promise we have in our species- all of this in just 3.84 seconds!!

The road trip..

Life is a journey and change is good. This is something we know- rings like a bell inside our heads but still somewhere within we have a tendency to avoid it. We look for stability- the stability of the chai shop outside of our office. The stability of the chaiwala asking us- special or regular? Kings or milds? The stability of the person sitting next to me in the offshore office asking what the score is? When I left Kolkata for good these were the things I left along with it. Now when I look back- I miss those Saturday early morning trains to home, reading times or telegraph by the window. A happy life a content life- going home to mother’s cooked four square meals a day.

A lot changed in this last year and a half. Now it is not about earning or eating anymore. It is not about that perfect plan to settle down and certainly not about the 10 to 7 job and back to a happy family. It’s a search for something different. A search for satisfaction and wholeness in the 10 to 7 spent outside. Its about cherishing and enjoying each of the moments in the weekends. 

I remember when we used to take long trips on first class compartments. That used to come with separate cabins. Four seats and a separate cabin- I loved that fact. Long vacations when I used to travel with my dad, mum and my little sis. My mum used to serve something time after time. Then there was that lucrative opportunity  of having a cup of coffee with my mum and dad. A sense of getting acknowledged among elders. I really loved those days and now I terribly miss those days. Now while traveling by air- if seated beside “my fellow countryman” there is that constant reminder that yes he has done something for himself. In a country of more than a billion people where a considerable amount of people don’t get the privilege of a washroom, 2 meals a day he is able to purchase an air ticket! What a great achievement- fucking asshole. Beside an American- or a European there is that constant urge of knowing one another- small talk and other stuffs. It’s good but after a while it is boring.

Anyway today it was not about train or flight it is about a road trip. Miles and miles of freeway. Zipping through cars and trucks. Leaving a hopeless past and moving forward to better opportunities. It’s like leaving a dark past and having the will to leave those dark clouds- look at the silver lining and the urge to hope for a better future. It’s about purging those low and extremely dull nights which needed endless bottles of whiskey, wine and cigarettes. It’s about the relaxation of a hard earned good night’s sleep which does not require the invitation of intoxication.

The trip was finally successful one but there was a feeling which never occurred before- there were no lingering emotions, nothing holding back. This was a first- It was good to be finally free!

A Retrospect!

They say that time and tide waits for none. Although it’s been a while since I sat on a beach, sunny day sipping a light lager- today being my 27^th birth anniversary I was sitting by the side of Mississippi here. The river being a large one occasionally you do get to see some “waves” so to speak. Looking at those waves something from the past came to my mind- it was more like an idea.

If I were a surfer, my surf board will be my knowledge. How much courage I have or how much skills I have would define the waves I would choose to surf. Waves are opportunities. Skill is a funny word. In my experience I feel courage is the one that defines a personality. I remember an interview I gave when I graduated. Some lady asked me- “Where do you want to see yourself 5 years from now?”. A text book interview question. I had set myself a goal I thought I was capable of. Today when I am in that role I think, do I really like doing this work?

When I was in school my dad used to say- “Work hard and don’t think too much- hard work always pays off”. As I grew older I realized -hard work pays off, but smart work pays off better!  Now coming back to the surfer- I think the real courageous act is waiting - watching the waves and deciding which one to go for. The knowledge and skill just pulls it through. It’s important he plays to his strengths and takes the right decision. But courage is more important, it is essential to tumble once in a while. Like life, evaluate your past, work on your present for a better future.

Now coming back to the discontent feeling I was having sitting by the river- the only thing that drives us is the search for greener pastures. It’s very important to be dissatisfied, in your professional life. Because when you feel content is when your downfall starts. So I finally decided to get up and drive myself home…

The Decision

Too much of the heat is outside these days. And the uncleansed room unkempt furniture and the thick layer of dust. This room has been locked and kept this way for quite some time. As they say the relics of the past- lock them up in the black box and keep them away, away from you, away from your life so that they stay preserved forever.

Arijit was staying in his hometown for some time now. Fifty-eight years of age, he has retired for around six years now. Wife stays with their son in London and their daughter is a consultant. Such are the families these days, the children are well settled abroad and no one wants to stick their heads in this country which they see as a sink hole. Only emotions can hold them back. Emotions like love for their parents the care of their grand-parents. Unfortunately for Arijit and his wife Atraee none of that happened much. Both of them dedicated their life to information technology that was a boom in those days. Long working hours in office less time with the kids and less personal time off were the reasons his kids never knew what a family was. Still Arijit was happy that he could see both of his kids settled by the time he retired, so that he could go and stay in his home the one which his dad built and live there for the rest of his life in peace.

His decision to move in was not an easy one. He remembers talking to his wife and kids.

His son Anirban says- “Baba who will look out for you there?  Maa wants to stay with me, please come stay with us”.

His daughter Anushree says- “Baba you stay here with me. Let maa be there with dada. You can go visit her whenever you want. Liverpool and Manchester are not that far either.”

He remembers talking to his wife at night lying in their bed room in the dark- “Anu you be here- look out for them. I was born there and I want to live there. I have been out from home very long. I want to go back.”

Anu sobs as tears roll down her cheek into his t-shirt and replies- “Please take me with you”. Arijit hugs her tight and replies- “Let me go there and settle down. After a while you come stay with me.”

to be continued...

Be your own man:

The biggest drawback about us humans is that we are too bloody concerned about others. Yes you don’t need to bother what the other person is doing. Who the other person is seeing, what is his aim? - How does he deserve his social status? Yes you don’t need to worry about that.

Please keep your head down and do your job. Do whatever you feel, however you feel- if you are any good you will have friends, family and all the rest. Bottom line is- if we really want to be in touch with someone we will. Sometimes it is just not possible. Too much of commitments at work and life- sometimes people get left out.

You should not go by the present. Yes your son did not get a chance to call. That doesn’t mean he does not care. It means that he is busy wrapping up something’s so that he can talk in peace sometime later. Is it really so hard to understand?

If parents can’t trust the judgment of their children, that is because somewhere inside they don’t trust their own judgment. Only so long you can keep correcting someone, feel concerned for someone. Then there comes a day when you got to let go and trust your own. Let them be their own man!

So far none of the Bengali parents have tried to find out when that day is? What that day means? If we want a progressive society- we got to let go of our hypocrite at home.