The last dance

The long night is finally gone,

Hapless fun is all done.

 It started with a drink or two,

To reach a mental status quo.

Wild fun and loud music,

Human instincts are all but basic.

Its half past four

Dusk is knocking at the door.

If truth be told- she thinks herself

When did I sell out my self-believe?

Her pure self, her resilience-

All went out as a whiff in a moments embrace!

Or maybe you were all but pretending

The will was not there- only fear of confronting

The realization was good, maybe just.

But you owed him the truth- not utter lies and disgust.

He dwelt on guilt- drew in a shell

Tried to fix a broken soul by himself.

In time- he went ahead and thought of this spree

And now he sets you finally free.

Three decimal eight four seconds... and ticking

What is darkness? In scientific terms it is the absence of light- just as cold is the absence of heat. In the 4.5 billion years since the inception of this blue lagoon in the vast void of space- the planet we call our home, our dear planet earth- we as a species are only about 20000 years old. Now this only considers the anatomical modernity- to a layman’s term- 200,000 years ago a human who originated in the continent now we call Africa has the same biological anatomy as any other human we have in our planet today. Leaving the process of evolution which is still ongoing – vestigial organs to be precise. If we consider the behavioral modernity- display of affection, family structure, social structure, intelligence, that gives us only about 50,000 years as a species.

Now considering the age of our planet- if we do the math you will be stunned to find out that if we plot the age of earth in a 24 hours timeline we as a species cover only 3.84 seconds!! What this proves is that we as a species have a tremendous amount of potential. Just look at what we have accomplished. We have already set foot outside of our planet. The man made Voyager is already reached the far end of our Solar system. We have sent rovers on Mars, set foot on the moon. We have mastered mobility in all three dimensions.

We have a distinguished social structure. We have a family structure. We have governments, economy, and dedicated medium for transfer of knowledge and information. We have an organized society which functions as small and dedicated groups of people who work together and stay together in a way that is mutually beneficial to all. I can’t even begin to gasp the magnitude of accomplishments we have had already. Just imagine the promise we have in our species- all of this in just 3.84 seconds!!

The road trip..

Life is a journey and change is good. This is something we know- rings like a bell inside our heads but still somewhere within we have a tendency to avoid it. We look for stability- the stability of the chai shop outside of our office. The stability of the chaiwala asking us- special or regular? Kings or milds? The stability of the person sitting next to me in the offshore office asking what the score is? When I left Kolkata for good these were the things I left along with it. Now when I look back- I miss those Saturday early morning trains to home, reading times or telegraph by the window. A happy life a content life- going home to mother’s cooked four square meals a day.

A lot changed in this last year and a half. Now it is not about earning or eating anymore. It is not about that perfect plan to settle down and certainly not about the 10 to 7 job and back to a happy family. It’s a search for something different. A search for satisfaction and wholeness in the 10 to 7 spent outside. Its about cherishing and enjoying each of the moments in the weekends. 

I remember when we used to take long trips on first class compartments. That used to come with separate cabins. Four seats and a separate cabin- I loved that fact. Long vacations when I used to travel with my dad, mum and my little sis. My mum used to serve something time after time. Then there was that lucrative opportunity  of having a cup of coffee with my mum and dad. A sense of getting acknowledged among elders. I really loved those days and now I terribly miss those days. Now while traveling by air- if seated beside “my fellow countryman” there is that constant reminder that yes he has done something for himself. In a country of more than a billion people where a considerable amount of people don’t get the privilege of a washroom, 2 meals a day he is able to purchase an air ticket! What a great achievement- fucking asshole. Beside an American- or a European there is that constant urge of knowing one another- small talk and other stuffs. It’s good but after a while it is boring.

Anyway today it was not about train or flight it is about a road trip. Miles and miles of freeway. Zipping through cars and trucks. Leaving a hopeless past and moving forward to better opportunities. It’s like leaving a dark past and having the will to leave those dark clouds- look at the silver lining and the urge to hope for a better future. It’s about purging those low and extremely dull nights which needed endless bottles of whiskey, wine and cigarettes. It’s about the relaxation of a hard earned good night’s sleep which does not require the invitation of intoxication.

The trip was finally successful one but there was a feeling which never occurred before- there were no lingering emotions, nothing holding back. This was a first- It was good to be finally free!